Girl, I'm glad you decided to let me cut your hair.
Hair is a form of expression...
especially in the black community.
It serves as a form of identity...
a way of characterizing who you are...
- an expression of your own individual personality.
And often, it doesn't even have to be your own hair...
in order for it to be your form of expression.
Mm-hmm.
See, the way I figure it...
horse hair, camel hair, raccoon hair...
whatever type ofhair...
Girlfriend, if you bought it, it's yours.
Now, since hair is so important to sisters...
you may find that we spend a lot of time gathering...
in the place where we get it done.
That place is...
You're watching 2 News, Baltimore.
Ten days ago, Mayor Martin O'Malley...
kicked off the Baltimore Believe program...
a massive drug-fighting campaign and an effort...
to get people to take back their neighborhoods.
You may have already seen the spots on TV.
It's a serious campaign for a serious problem.
- Trey? - Yeah?
- Have you finished eatin' your breakfast? - Yeah.
And you'd better not be playing that Nintendo.
Of course, while not everyone has seen the ads...
those who have are buying into its powerful message.
Hey.
Oh.
- Mmm. - Ah.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Mmm.
You know, every time I look at this tennis bracelet...
it just turns me on more.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
I like it when you turned on, baby.
- Look at it some more. Look at it some more. - God, I love it.
- You know... - Uh-huh?
- When basketball season starts again... - Mm-hmm?
- get my check and get you another one, baby. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? You like that, huh? - Mmm. I like the sound of that.
So many diamonds. Yes, take me, baby.
Okay, uh, get me one of those, three of those...
five of those, mmm, three of those...
- and seven of those, yeah. - Think you have enough there?
Huh? What?
Wait, just 'cause I'm a big girl, you think you can call me out like that?
Oh. No, no, no. No offense. I was just saying...
You were just saying what? What was you just saying? Huh? Huh?
Say another smart remark, you gonna be saying it up off the ground.
How about that? Don't let your mouth write a check your ass can't cash, buddy.
A sister like me don't play that.
- Lashaunna. Come on! - What?
I'm comin'!
What you lookin' at?
Nothing. Trust me, I ain't looking at a damn thing.
- Hey, baby, don't forget to pick me up at lunchtime. - Okay, l... I won't.
I don't wanna be standing out here like I'm an idiot or something. Be on time.
- Okay. - And Mr. Gay Man, I suggest you fix that little look...
on your face before I come over there and fix it for you.
Try it, Mr. Man. Try it, 'cause I will scratch your eyes out... right out of the socket.
Gay don't mean I can't fight. Come on over here and see if I don't embarrass you.
- What? Take it. - Check your man.
- Take it. - I'm not playing with him anymore.
And I ain't playin' with you no more either. What?
That's right. Take your ass to work, Mr. Gas Station Man. Go, go, go, go, go, go!
D.D! You don't have to do all that.
Why you let him treat you like that?
- He don't mean it like that. He loves me.
He sure has a funny way of showin' it.
Now what makes a beauty shop such a unique spot...
is that it really is a microcosm of society...
a cross section of the black community.
It serves as everything from a cosmetic fix to an escape from the real world.
And everybody has their different reasons for coming here.
But when you sit in that chair for those few hours...
it's as though you become one with your beautician, with the environment.
For those few hours, you and your beautician are best of friends.
I finally did like you said. I cut off all forms of sex with him.
See? That's what I'm talkin' about.
Broke down his whole little game plan. I got stuff working like a charm.
- What up, Rick? - What up, Jen?
I learnt that trick from Shante in "Two Can Play That Game." Should be required watching.
Wanda, don't let that girl steer you wrong.
Come on now. Lashaunna ain't never steered nobody wrong in her life.
Now don't tell that lie. Please.
I don't let no man get up on me. I got to stay up on the game.
- Oh, what, game recognize game? - That's right. Game recognize game, baby. And you know this!
- Hey, girl, take a seat in my chair. I'll be right out. - Hold your ear.
$128,000.
Wow.
Please. Come on. That's a movie. It's a damn fable. Them little tricks don't work.
Yes, they do. 'Cause I done tried it several times.
Whatever. Let me tell you all something, man.
A true player can juggle all of his women, plus keep everybody happy and never get caught.
Trust me when I tell you, all right?
Put that on everything I know, dawg. I mean, sis.
Whatever, bro. Mr. Player-Player.
Somebody gonna catch you one of these days.
- Never. That day'll never come. - Never say "never."
Never. Let me say it one more time: "Never."
- Like you havin' a husband... never? - How you doing, Shelly?
- I'm good. I can't complain. - What you gonna get today?
- Girl, I need a touch-up. Look at my color. - I see it.
- You guys know what I mean? - What you two fools arguing about?
Talking about her shavin' her chest.
- Talking about his little secret. He only got one ball.
She need to shave that. We got customers in here. She gonna chase customers away.
It was an accident, right? One of them little hoochies he was dealing with bit it off.
- Player! Gotcha! - I'm telling you, you gotta get some tweezers or something.
- D.D.'s in the house! - Oh, Lord.
D.D.'s in the house. Say it. Party can begin. Mmm!
- Hey, baby. - Oh, girl, gay and fine.
- I've been workin'. D.D., work it. - Hey, guys.
- Hey, Brenda. - Hey, Brenda, baby.
- Mmm! Mmm! - Say, say, say, say, man.
You mind not prancing your little gay ass in front of me?
Don't knock it till you try it. Mmm, mmm. Don't knock it till you try it.
Trust me. You just might like it.
Move your ass out of the way. I ain't playing that.
Oh! Girl, I'm feeling good today.
- Yes, I am! - It's too early for all of this.
D.D., sit your happy ass down.
Girl, I'm about to work me up a sweat early in the morning.
Honey, you should have seen me in my modeling days. Baby, I was fierce!
I doubt that.
Look, fish in the corner, don't start with me today, okay?
I'm in a good mood, and I don't feel like hearing your trap.
Don't call me "fish," little girl.
Well, from the amount of men that you had from waist down, she sure smell like one.
- Ouch! - Y'all, he just jealous 'cause he don't look like this.
Girl, jealous? Please. Everything about you is fake.
But I guess if I had the money, I'd have no choice but to buy it too, if I looked like you.
Oh, D.D., please. You know Miss Trina work it.
Work it, not. D.D. in the house.
Well, D.D. need to get out the house. Go to your station.
What you readin', Brenda?
My daily word.
What's the word today?
- It's about believin' in yourself. - That's right.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, girl.
- I am fittin' to go to work, but I got some news for you. - Here we go with "Ricki Lake."
- Don't act like you don't wanna hear what she got to say. - I don't.
- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.
That's all that women stuff.
Hey, look, this is all man here. I ain't tryin' to hear that.
You all man workin' up in a beauty shop? Please. You sound real stupid.
No, you know what sound real stupid, is that girlie nasal talk you been doin'.
Please, don't even let me get started on what sound stupid, Mr. Man.
I'm having a good day, and I don't want you or nobody else in here to ruin that, okay?
- Go ahead and get started, homegirl. - Y'all shut up! Shut it up!
- You mad at me? - Shut it up!
- Now what's the news, girl? Go ahead. - You remember my girl, Linda?
Was always trying to give advice because she got...
- the perfect relationship with her boyfriend? - Mm-hmm.
Well, Linda come home last night and found her boyfriend...
in her bed with a white woman!
- Oh! - Uh-uh.
- Oh! Girl, what'd she do? - Girl, she damn near killed them!
She went to the kitchen, got herself a butcher knife...
chased both him and the white bitch out the house, butt naked!
- Damn! - That's right! That's right!
- That's gonna happen to you. - The police came and everything.
It was a fiasco.
I'm taking this new vocabulary course, you know.
- Trying to get articulate. - Go on, girl.
- It ain't workin'. - Yes it is, hater.
Look, I'm late for work. I gotta go, but I'll be back on my break.
- All right. I'll see you later, girl. - Please don't.
Oh, God. Ricky, tell me something.
- Huh? - What is it with black men and white women?
- What's the big fascination? - What you askin' me for?
'Cause I know you done had a few yourself.
What you talking about, girl? I don't be messing with no white women. Don't even try it.
- Not too sure about that. - Don't be too sure about what?
I know I'm sure about one thing. You get down into some other things.
- What other things, raisin in the sun? - You know, other "thingsss."
What other "thingsss"? Everything don't have an "S" at the end of it.
- Mmm. Okay. - Come on, Ricky.
You gotta admit it. I mean, what is it with them, all right?
Is it their docile and subservient attitude?
Or maybe it's their nice, flat asses.
- Yeah, just like "sha-shing"! - Why you always ridin' me, man?
- 'Cause, we know you into white women. - It's cool. Snowflake.
- Hey, do the little pink toe. - Mm-hmm.
You know, that pisses me off.
'Cause there are not enough available black men out there as it is.
- True. - Either they're dead, gay...
- Hey! - or in jail.
And now we gotta lose them to white women?
Ooh, ooh, ooh! I got a joke for you.
What do you call jail for a gay man?
- What? - Paradise!
Shut it down.
Anyway, it's always the good ones too, like J. Lo and Puffy.
- Oh no, no! - What's that all about?
Wait a minute!
- She is fine! - She no white.
Plus, she's not white, she's port-rican, that's different.
- That ain't black. - Exactly!
Look, Puffy is out and Ben Affleck is in now.
How long you think that's gonna last?
Talking about soon men is like Ricky.
Don't say my name again, boy!
- Rick. - Say, say it again, little boy, i'm a take you right outside.
Honey, i can't even front. I know I said a lot of things about white folks, right?
But that Ben Affleck...
- Ooh, that is one fine white boy! - Daredevil!
- Girl, you ain't never lied. - Whoo!
I ain't never lied about that one, girl.
Ooh, yeah. Honey, let me tell you something now.
- My three top white men in the world: - Mmm!
- Ben Affleck. - Okay. - Brad Pitt.
- Oh, he could be a friend of mine. - Ooh, yes.
- And Bill Clinton. - Bill Clinton?
- Who? - Oh, hell, yeah! - Bill?
- Oh, Bill is fine, honey! - That man is old.
Honey, I would have done exactly what Monica did and more, honey.
'Cause I got big lips. It's all up in here.
- T.M.I. T.M.I.
He is the president of the United States, the most powerful man in the world.
- Oh, girl. - And he black too.
I'd have been like, "Uh, my bad, Hillary.
I got to do this for my country."
- That made me a little hot right there. - Let me ask you something.
Would you do George Bush?
- You couldn't pay me to do George Bush. - Girl!
- Black folks love them some Clinton, boy. - Yeah, sure do. Sure do.
- Mm-hmm. - Clinton's my dawg.
- Ooh, I wish he could have run for a third term, girl.
Phone.
Get the phone! You ain't doin' nothin'.
Look, I am not the secretary. I'm a stylist.
- Get it right. - Lazy. You need to fire her.
- Shut up! - Strut, girl.
Get the phone, Cookie Crisp.
- Hello? - Always complaining about somethin'.
Yes. One moment please.
It's for you, Jenny. It's the principal at Trey's school.
- Uh-oh. - What?
Hello? Yes.
Yes, I see.
I'll be right there.
Get in the car, boy. Get in this car.
You know you in trouble. You know you in trouble, right?
- Man! - Don't "man" me when I'm talkin' to you.
And don't turn your head away from me. Look at me when I'm talkin' to you.
The principal said you got suspended for fightin' in school.
Fightin' in school, Trey?
Like I ain't got enough issues I gotta deal with...
- now I got to deal with you fightin' in school? - It wasn't my fault. l...
Do not interrupt me when I'm talkin' to you. Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?
When I'm talkin' to you, you keep your mouth shut, you hear me?
I had to take off time from work to pick you up...
'cause you gettin' suspended from school.
What's the matter with you, huh? Answer me when I'm talkin' to you.
- But you said to keep my mouth shut. - I know what I said.
I'm talkin' about when you interrupted me.
- Well, I'm confused. - You confused? You confused?
Oh, you gonna be real confused when I finish with your little butt.
Up there fightin'. What you think? You think you a man now?
You think you a man now 'cause you can ball up your fist and fight?
Actin' like you ain't got no home trainin'?
Got that white man thinkin' that you ain't got no sense and I ain't raised you right.
What was you fightin' about? Huh?
- What was you fightin' about anyway? - I ain't gonna tell you.
- You ain't gonna what? - I ain't gonna tell you.
Lord, where is my belt? Lord, I'm about to kill this boy this morning.
You can whup me if you want to, but I still ain't gonna tell you.
Lord, give me the strength to deal with this child this morning.
I'm about to send him up to you, and he gonna be your problem.
'Cause this ain't my son talkin' to me like this. This right here ain't my son.
- Somebody get the phone!
Get the phone! I gotta do everything.
Where is the little cotton-haired girl? Little OutKast reject.
- Hello, beauty shop. - Lashaunna...
I'm meeting a lawyer in there by the name of Michael Edward.
- Okay. - lfhe gets there before I get back, you take care ofhim?
- All right, cool. - Thanks.
All right.
Can somebody please get the phone when the phone is ringin'?
Trey, you lucky I gotta meet somebody back at the beauty shop.
Otherwise, it would be me and you and one of them switches out there talkin'. Hmm?
- Hey, Ricky. - Huh?
Here comes your little girlfriend.
She's my client, thank you very much.
Mm-hmm. That's what your mouth says. That little bulge in your pants...
that says, "That's my girlfriend. She's coming."
Goddamn!
Whoo-whee! Goddamn!
Look at this ho...
walkin' across the street like she a superstar.
- Hey, look, can we be a little cordial to my client? - Please.
She comes here every week. Can we just not give her a hard time?
- Just today? Please? Can we try that? - Okay. Chill.
Hey! Hey, baby! Goldilocks!
Over here, baby!
Urban renewal!
Come on, y'all. She is a client. Let's be professional.
Personally, I like her. I ain't gonna give her no hard time.
Me either, Ricky. I don't like her, but I ain't gonna give her a hard time, just for you.
Thank you, Trina. I appreciate that.
- Hi, guys. - Hey.
Hey, girl!
- Beeyotch!
Oops, my bad. It slipped. For real. It really slipped.
- I see nothing's changed. - Not a damn thing.
Hey, girl. How are you? How you doin'?
- What up, girl? - Ooh, look at those pumps.
Honey, they are fierce. I gotta get me some of those.
Thank you, girl. I just picked these up last week at Barneys.
Them cheap shoes ain't from no Barneys.
This is one sharp white woman.
Aw, why, thanks, D.D.
- You're welcome. - She is so damn sweet!
- Oh! - Oh, my God! Did she just kiss D.D. on the lips?
So sit down, she.
- Gonna have a cold sore in the mornin'. - D.D., mmm.
So you still not gonna talk?
Fine, don't talk. Come here.
Now as soon as I finish handling my business...
oh, I'm gonna handle some business, all right.
Come on, boy.
Get your little butt in here. Now I want you to sit in that corner and do your homework...
and I don't want to hear another word out of you, you hear me?
- I said, "Did you hear me?" - Yes, ma'am.
All right.
- What happened? - Girl, that boy got suspended from school today for fightin'.
- For fightin'! - Oh, come on. He's a boy. That's what boys do.
- Right, big man? What's the big problem? - I don't condone violence.
Jenny, he's a boy. That's a good sign. At least he wasn't wearin' a dress...
or talkin'about buyin'some fierce pumps.
What then? What ifhe was then, Mr. Man, huh?
Then that's when you'd worry.
- Oh, he looks so sad. - Brenda, don't pamper him.
I don't want him to think what he done was right.
- Well, you look mad. - I am mad.
- I'm so mad I could spit right now. - Ooh, that's nasty.
- You didn't whup him, did you? - I was about to tear his little butt up.
Holy Toledo. You guys actually spank your kids?
- "Spank"? - "Holy Toledo"?
- Did she just say "spank"? - Hell, yeah, we spank our kids!
Why? I mean, why can't you just give 'em a time-out?
- Time-out? - Time-out?
- Black folks... we don't give no time-out. - Okay?
- Stupid. - What's wrong with you? The only time-out I had growing up...
was the time my mama took a time-out from whuppin' my ass.
- Right. - Okay? Okay?
Took a break, caught her breath and started whuppin'my ass again.
- Okay? All right? - Yeah, that is so true.
Your mama ever whup you till she got tired?
- No. - Hell, yeah! All the time girl!
She'd be all out of breath, wheezing.
"Get your little fat ass over here! I'm gonna get you!"
"You'd better not laugh either, 'cause what's gonna happen?
Gonna whup your ass again. Mm-hmm. One more again. How about that?"
Oh, they'll whup your ass with all kinds of stuff...
Hot Wheel tracks, dishrag, electrical cord.
What about that, huh?
Make you go outside and get your own switch.
- Oh, hated that one. - Are you serious?
- Hell, yeah. That was the worst. - You got to go out to a bush, grab a branch off...
- so your mama can whup your ass. - Right.
- For reals? - Baby, please.
- Better not get one of them little ones either. - No.
- 'Cause what gonna happen? - She gonna send you back to get another one.
- Or a couple of'em. - Okay?
Then she gonna yell out, "You better go ahead and get the one that I would pick!
You don't want me to come out there. Okay?"
One time my mama went out there and whupped my ass with the whole tree.
That's why I don't like trees. You don't see no bushes, no foliage around my station, okay?
One time I was in church, just talkin'.
My mama whupped me with the Bible.
Oh! Hold up. Now, the Bible... I don't think... I think that's against the rules.
- Your mama was whupping some ass! - How you gonna whup some...
I'm sittin' and she..."You better be quiet while you're in church!"
- That man ain't never been to church. - To this day...
- I will not read nothin' out of the book of Corinthians.
- Oh, don't stray from the Bible, baby. - Okay, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Isn't that, like, abuse?
- "Abuse"? - "Abuse." - No way.
"Abuse"? That's that drownin'shit y'all white folks do.
Okay? Stay away from the water, baby.
Oh, y'all white folks kill me with that "abuse."
I mean, we all Americans and everything like that. We live in the same country.
- Mm-hmm. - But, uh, culturally, we completely different.
- Definitely. - Look, I know that I'm the white girl in here, okay?
And I'm fully aware of the cultural differences. But studies have shown...
- B-b-baby, "study"? Who's that? Is that a man? - We don't care about no studies.
- Right. - You don't care about no studies?
- Studies have shown that kids that experience paddling... - "Paddling"?
We don't know nothin' about no paddling, no boat or nothin' like that.
All we know about is whuppings. Everybody say it with me.
Whuppings!
Fine. Studies have shown that kids that experience paddlin', whuppin', whatever...
Physical punishment among kids...
produces violent behavior in adolescents.
- You just too deep. You been watchin' "Oprah." - You know what?
- With all due respect, Tami, I don't believe those studies. - Come on.
You don't believe those studies? Well, it's a scientific fact.
- According to whom? - According to child psychologists...
people who make it their business to know and understand children's behavioral patterns.
My mama used to say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child."
- Your mama was right too, girl. - Mm-hmm. See?
- Okay, you're my client, all right? And I love you... - I heard that.
- Quiet. - That man loves you. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
If it wasn't for the fact that my mama gave me whuppings when I was growing up...
- I'd probably be in jail today, seriously. - I disagree with you.
Tami, you seem like an educated young woman, and, you know, that's good.
I know we up in here speakin'slang and everything...
- but I have a little education myself. - Come on.
- And I don't believe everything that's printed in a book. - Mm-hmm.
You know, I don't know about the focus groups that are associated with those studies.
- Mm-hmm. - And quite frankly, I don't think...
that they considered all of the elements when conducting those experiments.
- Okay? 'Cause, see, I believe that race... - Right.
- culture, and environment... - Well.
- Preach it, girl. - have a lot to do with the results of those studies.
- Come on. - And many of them are made by white people for white people.
- Come on now! Speak, black woman. - That's right.
So, until they start conducting it FUBU style...
that means "for us, by us"...
- Well? - You see that little boy over there?
- I'm gonna tear his ass up every time he does wrong. - How about that?
- Okay, fine! - You understand? That's my child.
Mmm!
Oh!
My gosh!
Hello, hello.
Hi. Can I help you with anything?
Yes, I'm here to see Miss Smithe.
Hello, Michael. I've been expecting you. Why don't you come back this way.
- So this is the gentleman you've been waiting for. - Yeah.
Can I get you some cream with that coffee?
- How are you today? - I'm well. I'm well.
- Good. - What's up, dawg?
Ooh! Life is a box of chocolates, and I think that one got nuts in it.
- Y'all stupid. - Oh!
Up, up, up, up!
D.D., what are you doin'?
I'm puttin' on my makeup, so I can look my best when that man come out of there, baby.
Out of control, boo.
Miss Smithe, I don't come bearing good news.
Apparently, D. W.P. 's position remains firm.
They intend on moving forth with their plans of expansion.
Unfortunately for you, that comes with the cost...
of you having to relocate your business...
and us scheduling this building for demolition.
So there's nothing I can do about this?
Well, it appears that eminent domain does apply under this case.
- What's eminent domain? - You see, the government has the right...
to take private property, if they so choose...
and use it for public use.
This building has sentimental value.
It's been in my family for years.
Yes, but the government is not concerned with that.
I see.
Eminent domain, huh?
Just another fancy word to explain that the government is takin' my building...
and puttin' me out of business.
Miss Smithe, if it's any consolation...
- I feel deeply for you and your situation. - Yeah, you already said that.
And against my better judgment...
I persuaded my client to reimburse you an additional 10%...
making the value of the property and your combined relocation fee to be a 130% of market value.
Well, that's awfully nice of you, Mr. Edward...
coming down here in your Armani suit.
But let me tell you somethin'.
There's no consolation for uprooting me from my business...
just because you guys want to build a bigger parking lot.
Yes, well, I see you have the other check over there.
Here's the additional $25,000.
Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience.
- Hey, yo, check out this right here! - Yeah, man!
Make that thing hop!
- Yeah! Here we go! - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
This is the part of my job that I don't enjoy.
So believe me when I tell you I feel for you.
I don't mean to sound harsh, Mr. Edward...
but your feeling for me isn't gonna help my situation any.
I need help. So why don't you get in your nice little sports car...
and go back to your big cases and your big clients.
- Window! - Look, I know you not touching me! You better get off!
What do you think they talkin'about? - It'll be all right.
I'm sure it won't take you long to forget about me and my little beauty shop here.
Why don't you just go? Go.
Well, I'm sorry.
- Here she comes! - Just act normal. Oh, I forgot you gay.
Shut up, Nemo.
Shh, shh, shh, shh!
- Jenny, girl, that man sure was fine! Mmm! - Mmm!
Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend?
Why you asking? That ain't never stopped you before.
- Hey, you right. - I'm not sure he got somebody, but he wasn't my type.
- Ooh, ooh, hey! G-G-Girl, can I have him? - D.D.
Look, I saw him first. What does he do? Is he rich?
Will you vultures back off? Damn!
Can't you see she's upset?
What's the matter, Jen? What'd he want?
Oh, girl, just nonsense. Nothing for y'all to worry about.
No. For real though, that man was fine. I mean fine.
I don't look at other men. I only see Patrick.
- Patrick? - That's my man.
Girl, please. Tami, what you think, honey?
- Oh, me? - Mm-hmm.
- Definitely a looker. Oh, yeah. - Yeah, and I don't like the way you was looking at him either.
What, I can't admire him too just because I'm white?
- No, you can't. - Oh, that's some bullshit.
Ooh!
What? I am so tired of black women telling me who I can and can't date.
I hear you all talk in here. "Oh, the black men are only with the white women...
- 'cause they all easy and docile and submissive." - Well, you are.
I mean, please. All right? Those days are done.
- We have just as much sass and attitude as y'all do. - But not ass though.
- Real flat. It's real flat. - I didn't say that.
- Had to get you. - I'll give you that one.
But I'm serious. I mean, when I walk down the street with a brother...
all I get are harsh looks from the sisters...
who are obviously trying to display their disapproval.
I mean, how is that any different from rednecks in the South...
when they judge people by the color of their skin, huh?
- I mean, I'm sick of it all. - Well, if you so sick of it, stop doing it.
Hey, hey, hey! Hold up. This is my client now.
Whatever. I really don't care. Know what? Let me just break it down to you.
The reason why black women don't like to see white women with black men...
is because there are not enough black men to go around.
And then we gotta share them with y'all? Oh, hell, no!
Look, I know I'm supposed to be Miss Docile White Woman in the beauty shop...
but I am not havin' this, okay?
I'm gonna tell you exactly what I think.
Black men are not a commodity.
You don't own them. They're not yours.
- They don't belong to you. - Oh, Jesus!
All right? And another thing... They have a choice in the matter.
I can't help it if they choose me.
Well, that... You know, that's because y'all make it real easy.
Just be throwin' it all up in a brother's face, makin' it harder for us black women.
- Hold on. Hold on. Wait. Whoa. Wait a minute. - Sistas!
Y'all know that's not true, 'cause some of y'all be throwin' it up on the first date.
- Mm-hmm. Thank you. - Uh, Lashaunna. So it ain't just white women.
You know what? I don't care. I'm just real sick of y'all white bitches.
- Oh, Trina! - What? Well, she's a bitch. What?
- Oh, no. You did not just say that. - Yeah I did.
I ain't gonna be too many more white bitches, okay?
You say you can fight? I'm about to make you prove that.
- Say what? - Uh, the white girl says she ain't havin' it.
- That's exactly what I said. - What did you say?
- You heard me! - What? Girl, I will hurt you!
- Do you know I will hurt you? I will hurt you! - Hey, Trina, chill!
Now, look, y'all, this is my beauty shop.
- And she's right. She is a client, so... - I'm fine.
- Come on. She comin' down to our hood, runnin' her mouth.
How's that any different than anybody else?
- Shoot, everybody be running their mouth up in here. - Exactly.
Well, it's because she's white, and I'm fittin' to whup her ass!
- You're gonna whup my ass? - Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Girl, you are not gonna whup my ass. You know why?
Because that would be a job for a super bitch. And you... you're just a regular bitch.
Put them scissors down! Put them scissors down!
Oh, damn!
Hey! She got you, all right?
All right. You just go back to your station and chill, missy. Live to fight another day.
All right. You got that one.
- That was a good one. - That was good.
I still don't like your ass, but that was pretty good.
- Yeah, one for the white girl. - Chill.
- Tami don't play. - "Tami don't play."
- Tami don't play, mm-mmm Tami don't play, mm-mmm - Girl, sit down.
Oh!
What's that?
Oh, man!
Damn.
- Oh, no. - I knew something like that was gonna happen.
How long we been beggin'them to put a light right there?
- Okay. Too long. - Forever.
Just another example how we can't get nothin' done in our neighborhood.
- Okay. - Government don't care nothin' 'bout us.
I seen it, man! I seen the whole thing!
I seen it all! He come out!
He came around and then boom!
Hit him! He hit him!
- Be a kid next time. - You ain't lyin'. That truck is big too.
You goin' to jail! And you goin' to jail too!
Simple as that!
What you got in here?
Mike?
- Hey. Mike, how'd it go? - Fine.
- Everything work out? - Yep. Everything's cool. Just great.
All right. So... what's the problem?
I don't know, Bob. It's just that sometimes always bein' the bad guy gets to me. That's all.
Oh. It's thatJenny girl, isn't it?
You like her.
Mike, look. Lawyer rule number one:
Don't get emotionally involved with the issues of the clients. Don't get confused.
We represent the government and the interest of the D.W.P. here.
- They're the guys that pay the bills. - What about the little guy?
What about the little guy? Look, I don't disagree with you. Sometimes life isn't fair.
But we got a job to do. We took an oath. We're lawyers.
We protect our clients at all costs, even ifhe is the big guy.
And what if what the big guy is doing is wrong?
- Well, you know, then you've got a moral dilemma.
And she's probably a very nice moral dilemma to have. Mike?
Mike?
Look at me.
I'm your friend.
- Don't you do whatever it is you're thinkin' about doing. - Don't do what?
I don't know what, but don't do it. I know you.
You're playing with fire here, and he who plays with fire gets burnt. So don't do it!
- All right?
- Yeah. - You're right.
- Yeah. - You're right. I'm trippin'.
- You're trippin'? - I'm trippin'.
You're all... You mean like... like trippin', okay.
- What was I thinking? - I don't know. I don't know what you were thinking.
Are you thinking now? Yeah, good. Don't think.
Hey! Hey, girl!
Ha! Hey, girl!
You're out here working kinda early this morning, ain't ya?
Hey, y'all some hardworking bitches!
- Just move! - Hey, hey, baby, come here. Look, look. Look here, baby.
I got...
I got 75 cents right here. What's that get me?
- An ass whuppin'. - An ass whuppin'.
Oh, baby, come on. Seventy-five cents ought to get me somethin'.
- A feel or somethin'. - You better not let our pimp catch you talkin' to us.
- He will whup your drunk ass. So just move! - Oh!
- Girl, come on. - I ain't scared!
Hey, I get a fifth of liquor in me, and I got no fear!
No fear whatsoever! Come on! I'll bring my... Ow!
- Y'all be glue, man! - Keep talkin'!
I don't want your old stinky tail anyway!
I'm on my way out to the club last weekend, about to...
get my groove on, when I noticed my gas tank was almost empty.
So I pulled up to the full-service side of this gas station.
I sit in my car and I wait, and I wait, and I wait.
I can't understand for the life of me why the gas serving attendant...
is takin' so long, since I'm the only car that's there.
Well, you know me, baby. I refuse to be disrespected, okay?
I get out of my car, walk into the gas station, and there was this redneck there...
foot up on the counter, pickin' his nose, watchin' TV.
- That's nasty. - So, I said...
"Excuse me, but I have been waiting quite some time for service."
And this fool had the nerve to say to me...
"I don't pump gas for faggots."
Ooh! D.D., what did you do?
Girl, almost went postal up in that place.
'Cause you know, I was not takin' that. Like Mama said...
- "Don't start no 'sh,' and there won't be no 'it."' - That's right.
Girl, I turned around, put my hands on my hip...
and I stared at him dead in his bloodshot eyes and I said...
I bet that scared him to death.
And I said, "Let me tell you something...
"you overall wearin', rotten-tooth redneck.
"You can sit there with your five-dollar-an-hour job, pickin' your nose...
"thinkin' you better than somebody, but let me tell you somethin'.
"I will buy you, sell you and then throw away the change. Up there, calling me a faggot.
"I'm more man than you will ever be and more woman than you will ever hope to get.
- What? Take it. Rrrrr!" - Whoo!
Rrrrr! Yes, yes.
- Okay, and then what'd you do? - Girl, I ran.
Jethro reached from under that counter with that big old gun, and I was out of there.
I'm tellin' you, America is not as liberal as we think we are. Turn around, baby.
- We have a long way to go. - Lord, yes.
That's true.
- Hey, Jenny, can I talk to you for a minute? - Yeah.
- Outside? - Sure.
Jethro.
"Look here, Fruity Pebbles, pump your own gas."
- Takes one to know one. Been called by better. Mm-hmm.
What's up?
- All right. What's goin' on? - What?
Come on. Now, you can fool the others in there, but you can't fool me.
Now, ever since that pretty boy came by, you ain't been actin' right.
What's up, Jen?
Lashaunna, that guy's a lawyer representin' the D.W. P"..."
- and he just told me that we gonna have to move. - What?
The government wants to tear down the building and turn it into a parkin' lot.
- And ain't nothing we can do about it. - Say what?
Yeah. Now, they gonna hook me up.
They gonna pay me... quite well, as a matter of fact...
- but the bad part is... - Hey, SisterJenny!
- Hey, Reverend. How you doin'? - Good. Missed you at Empowerment Temple Sunday.
I had to handle some business with the shop. I'll be back next week.
- All right. I'm holding a seat for you. - All right.
- All right. Have a good one. - The bad part is...
Hey, Jenny! What's up, baby?
- How you doin'? - You on a diet? You just don't want this chocolate no more?
Boy, go on somewhere. Keep it movin'.
Girl, for you, I'd take this ring off!
- All right, baby. - That's all he takin'off.
- Holler at your boy! - The bad part is, I almost wanna do it.
- Oh. - I mean, look how we livin' up here.
Pimps up, hos down, bums.
My son is having trouble in school.
What the hell am I fightin' for? What am I fightin' for?
Nobody else seems to care. Why should I?
'Cause you can.
Now, you have an opportunity, with this shop, to make a difference.
Okay, how many black people you know own their own business?
How many black women you know that can provide honest employment for eight people?
Oh, no, you right. This is a raggedy neighborhood.
We got pimps and hos and buildings falling down.
But it's ours.
And if we can fight for it, we should.
What you gonna do?
I don't know.
But do me a favor. Keep this between me and you.
I ain't gonna stress the others out with this.
I'll figure out somethin'.
All right, girl.
What up, Lashaunna?
- What up, Jenny? - Hey, Percy.
My two favorite women in the whole wide world.
Y'all like my little adopted granddaughters.
Uh-oh. What you doin' outside? Get back to work.
- Make me some money. - All right. We be in.
All right.
Well, look what the cat done drug in.
Well, if it isn't that little sweet boy. Boy got sugar in his blood.
- A little sugar ain't never hurt nobody. - In that case, I am diabetic.
- Me too! - I bet you is.
- Percy. - Oh, Nefertiti.
I'm in love again.
Yo. What up, junior? What you sittin' in the corner all quiet for?
- 'Cause I'm on punishment. - For what? What'd you do?
- Fightin'. - Did you win?
- Yeah. - Then that's all that matters then.
Percy!
- Don't be teaching my son no bad habits now. - Aw, Jenny.
- Let the boy be a boy. - That's what I said, P-Funk.
That's not what you said. You said somethin'else. But I know your little secret.
- What secret? - Your little secret.
- You'd better...
- I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna hurt him. - Ooh.
- So, Brenda, talk to me. - Talk to you about what, Percy?
- You still with that no-good boy at the gas station?
Percy, not today, all right?
What you mean by "not today"? It's gonna be today...
and every other day till you get rid ofhim.
- Right. - You put up with all his garbage, don't you?
Percy, can we talk about somethin' other than my personal business, please?
He done whipped it on you, didn't he?
- Percy!
That's the "onliest" time... When a woman act like this...
puttin'up with all kinds of crazy stuff...
- that's when a man done whipped it on you. - Right.
- Otherwise you would've been done and left him a long time ago. - That's true.
- It's not true. - It is true.
It is true, Brenda, and you know it's true.
That boy must got somethin'serious goin'on, 'cause he ain't got nothin'else.
Okay. Keep it real. Tell the truth.
What is that bomb they use in the Iraq War to hit somethin' deep in the ground...
- to go to the bottom of the buildin'? - Uh, the bunker buster.
- Ah! That boy must got that bunker buster in his pants. - Bam!
lfhe's happy with you, he's knocked the bottom out of your buildin'.
- Yes, sir! - Got that bunker buster lovin'.
Put you on "shock and awe" campaign.
I got your shock and awe.
Ooh!
Percy, you know you're a fool. Sit in on down now.
I'd knock me out.
That's my man right there. That's my ace.
How's daddy? Go ahead, man.
Okay. See you later.
- Bunker buster, I tell you. - Oh, you're goin'?
Ah-ah-ah. Where you goin'? Where you goin'?
It ain't even 12:00. Where you fittin'to go and shack up?
- Ooh. - Percy, mind your business.
- Where your wife at? - What you mean where my wife at? She's in her skin. What?
Uh-uh.
Dang! Where is Afro girl at?
Hello. Beauty shop. This is D.D.
Just one second. Jenny, for you.
Girl, it's a man. Yeah.
Stop. Hello?
Miss Smithe, Michael Edward here. How are you?
Fine.
I thought about what you said earlier, about needing help.
And, um, against my better judgment...
I've... I've decided to inform you...
that there, in fact, is a final hearing today at 3:00 before the city review board...
regarding your issue.
Now, traditionally, the review board is really just a... a formality...
but you can show up and plead your case in front of them if you'd like.
Me being opposing counsel, well...
- I won't object to it. - You'd do that for me?
Now, Miss Smithe, now I'm not promising anything...
and quite frankly, I think it's a waste of time.
But, um, yes, I'd do that for you.
- Thank you, Michael. - You're welcome.
Hey, um, Michael...
Iook, I was wondering, um...
I'm about to go to lunch in about an hour. Would you care to join me?
- Miss Smithe... - Call meJenny.
Okay, Jenny.
I don't think that's a good idea.
As a matter of fact, I think it's a bad idea.
But, um...
yeah, I'd... I'd like to join you.
Whoo! Oh, my gosh! My feet are killin' me.
And we just started our day.
Trey, come here, baby.
Did you get some of your homework done?
- Yes, ma'am. - Why don't you finish the rest upstairs for me, all right?
- Okay. - All right. I need to holler at you for a minute.
Well, if it isn't the ladies of the night.
- Or sometimes, the afternoon.
What's goin' on, y'all?
- Oh, honey, we just came in here to get off our feet. - Ooh!
I thought that was your job, to get off your feet.
Mmm! And be on your back.
Uh-uh. Peaches, did you hear somebody talking to us?
- Nope. - See, now you know what?
That's funny...
'cause I thought I heard the voice of D.D., that old doo-doo chaser.
Oh, damn!
Oh, you did not just go there. Miss Thing did not go there.
- Sounds to me like she did. - Me too.
Uh-uh. Let me tell you something, Miss Skank Number One and Skank Number Two.
- What you got to say, D.D.? - Bring it.
All right, toucan tuna, you both look like little "la poubelles." All right, baby?
He called to tell me that I should come to a review board hearing today at 3:00.
Now, I really shouldn't come because it's just a formality...
but, uh, he stuck his neck out for me.
Okay, good. That's a good thing.
Yeah, but then I invited him to lunch.
Uh, how long you known this guy?
About a month now.
I've been seein' him on and off, you know, about the case.
But this time, I felt a little personal.
- I think you like him. - Is that a crime?
I don't know. It just seems like a sticky situation.
- But you know what? Go to your little lunch. - Thank you.
Hey, well, don't let your heart talk when your head should be talking.
- All right, girl. - Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
Furthermore, I'm a beautician, and I'm good at my job.
You all are at the bottom of the rung.
Givin' head for five dollars. Ain't that good at it either.
- Hey, I got five dollars. - Probably could show you a thing or two about it.
Come on. Talk to me, child. I might be able to contribute to your work ethics...
'cause you can't possibly be good workin' the streets walkin' in this neighborhood.
If you gonna be a ho, be an ambitious ho. Work uptown or something.
Oh, please!
You cannot teach me nothin'.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Can we stop this disgusting conversation, please?
It is not disgusting. It's natural". Naturale."
It's not "naturale" for a man, woman.
- Here's a banana. Show us. - He does his homework, he's still on punishment.
Hey, y'all, I'll be back. Take care of my client for me, all right?
- Good luck, girl. - Thanks.
- Later,J. - Bye, Jenny.
- Come on. Show us. - I ain't showin' y'all nothin'.
- You're scared. - Um, excuse me, miss. Uh, actually, he's right.
Uh, maybe, you know, you should show us a little somethin'.
Uh, can I watch?
- For you, baby, I'll do it. - My girl. Thank you.
That's what I'm talkin'about.
Christmas came early. Oh, Lord have mercy.
The Superwoman suit on. Uh-huh.
It's killin'me. Yes, please.
Oh, yes. Hit that. Hey, don't be so violent.
Lady. Mmm. Oh, please peel that.
- That's what I'm talkin' about. - I'm gonna see you in the back. That is for certain.
- How much I got? - Look at that. Girl, you second rate.
- I'm good. - Give me this.
Say what you want, but I'm a man, and I know what men like.
A little demonstration for you.
All right. All right.
- Please don't do that. That's gonna make me throw up. - Come on. School me.
- Oh, Lord help us. - Y'all doin' too much.
- It's nothin'. - Whatever. I'm eatin' this banana.
Excuse me. I have to regurgitate. Thank you very much.
- I'm good. I know I'm good. Hey. - Man, get the hell away from me.
- Look at you, lookin' at me all differently now. - Get the hell out of here, man.
Changed the game on you, huh? Now, all of a sudden...
you lookin' at the brother all differently, with lust and admiration.
- But stop! Can't have none of this. You ain't my type. - Oh, well, I'm all broken up.
I just bet you are, Mr. Man. My gaydar tells me you got a little sugar in your tank.
- A little Sweet'n Low. - Unlike Eddie Griffin...
you are the real undercover brother.
You know what?
Why gay people always tryin'to say somebody gay?
Always trying to bring somebody over to their team. Homosexuals are likeJehovah's Witnesses.
You always tryin' to convert somebody. Get away from me, man.
Wait a minute. Don't even get it twisted. Ain't nobody tryin' to convert you.
But check it. Any time a man is actin' all manly...
and talking about sex and all the trimmings he be gettin'...
and how he can't stay stand gay people, somethin' wrong.
Somethin'wrong. It's a sign of somethin'.
- Man, you better back off me. - Come on. Give me a kiss.
- Get the hell away from me! - Give me a kiss.
You better get the hell away from me, man! Get outta here!
Stop, Ricky.
What you hos doin' up in here?
You better get your ass back on that street and make me some money.
- Okay. - You understand me? Get your ass out there!
- Sorry. - Hurry up! Don't let me catch you up in here again.
Okay, baby.
Mm-hmm. Big bad Silk. Why you so hard on those girls?
Lashaunna, stay out of my business, all right?
- Ooh, you're so tough.
How your mama doin'?
- Tell her I'll be over for that bid whist game.
- I've known him since he was a little boy. Oh, now he a pimp.
Got him some hos. Please.
- Hello, Michael. - Hey.
Thank you.
Jenny, you know, I must admit I'm really glad...
- you invited me out to lunch. - Me too.
And I know you must think I'm completely irresponsible...
for taking you up on your offer, but, uh, here I am.
Yeah, here you are.
Look, Jenny, I want to be clear.
When you meet with the committee today, I have a job to do.
I am opposing counsel, and l... I have to represent my client.
So I'm sort of warning you that there's a...
there's a limit to the type of help that I can provide.
- Things may get a little uncomfortable. - I understand, Michael.
You have a job to do, and I respect that, okay?
Okay.
And just so you know...
you've been a big enough help already, all right?
All right.
- So, enough about work. - Okay.
- I wanna know what's up with you. - Well, what do you want to know?
- Everything. - Everything... well, that's a lot.
Hmm. We gotta start somewhere, right?
- Yes, we do.
Yeah, baby, I had a really good time, and I love this ring.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Uh-huh! Caught your cheatin' ass!
- So, you take it easy, all right? - All right, baby.
- We'll hook up later. - Okay.
- I'll see you later. - Ooh!
Oh, my God! I'm gonna... Ooh!
Oh!
Again. Oh!
- My man! - I knew it.
- What you grinnin' about? - Mmm! Everybody just a-cheesin'!
- Did you wash? - Girl, you been gone for an hour and a half.
- Girl, ain't you got no shame? We know what you been doin'. - Mm-hmm. Right.
- Mind your business. - I don't know why I ask.
- Everybody up in here already know what you been doin'. - What have I been doin', Percy?
- Hiding the salami.
Look, I don't make no bones about what I do, all right?
I like men that got it goin' on.
I only deal with ballers and shot callers.
See, I'm bisexual.
You wanna have sex with me, you got to "buy" me somethin'.
Ooh.
- Okay. That was good. - Hey, Shaunna, check out this new friendship ring I got.
- Oh, that is cute. - Diamond studded, baby.
Thank you, girl. See you next week.
- Diamonds are a girl's best friend. - Yeah, cubic zirconia.
What time is it? Aw, man, I gotta go get Patrick from the gas station.
- Patrick. - Don't let him bully you.
- What are you doin'? - Goin' to lunch.
- Mmm! Silly girl. - So, um, Trina...
what'd you have to do to get that ring?
Nothin' I wouldn't be doin' anyways.
You know, baby, you really shouldn't use your body as a commodity.
Baby, you ain't gotta do that.
You're smarter than that.
Look, can I do me, please?
Thanks. I'm sick of y'all lecturin' me on what I should and shouldn't be doin'.
I'm a grown-ass woman. Y'all are gettin' on my nerves.
- Mmm. - All right. Whatever. Go to the clinic on your own.
What's up with her?
Everybodyjust a-cheesin'today? What's going on?
What, I can't smile? Something got to be wrong 'cause I'm smiling?
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.
Miss Carter, sorry I'm late. Had to pick up my son some lunch.
I'll be right with you, okay?
Trey? Come on down here, baby.
Now, Trey, were you a good boy?
- Yes. - Yes, ma'am.
- Here's some lunch. Wash your hands before you eat.
- Okay. Thanks, Mom. - You're welcome, baby.
All right, Jenny. So how'd it go?
- Good. I'm gonna go down there at 3:00 and handle that business. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
- Hello! - Back again?
Back again. Hey, Ricky, I just wanted to introduce you to my friend.
She's here visiting from Sweden. And she loved my hair so much...
she wanted to know if you could do hers as well.
- Do you have some time? - Sure.
- Ah! - White girls.
- Sit down. - He'll take good care of you.
Uh, take note, shop. This is what happens when you do good work.
You get referrals. Half my clients are referrals.
And half of your referrals, you're sleeping with.
- A little pink toe. - Here you are.
Holler at your boy. Holler at your boy. Back again.
CDs, hats. What you need? I got Evelyn "Champagne" King, Kool Moe Dee.
Uh, got theJay-Z. Holler at your boy. What you need?
- Hey, dawg, just throw that in the box so I can check it out. - Okay, I got that.
- Backstreet Boys? - Can I get a whoop, whoop? Nah, I ain't got no Backstreet...
The last CD you brought up in here was you singin' in the shower.
That's all right though. Sound good, didn't it?
- No. You can't beat Beyonce.
Oh, yeah. You gonna love this. You gonna love this.
Ah, you know what I mean? I been waitin' on that one.
This is it. You know? You be up in the club. I'll show you this.
- Whoo, whoo! - Uh, uh. You know.
- Oh, snizap! - What's up? You like that, huh?
- Oh, I'm feelin' that. - You know what I'm talking about.
Let me tell ya. That's my shit.
- Ooh, I like that. - Ahhh!
That's my cut right there, boy!
Ooh, yeah!
What? What?
Mmm! Hey!
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- What took you so long? - I'm sorry I'm late, Patrick, but there was heavy traffic.
I've been standin' out here, like, 15 minutes, man.
- I'm sorry. - You know, that's the problem. You always sorry.
You know what? I don't even want to go to lunch.
- Why? - You go back to the beauty shop. Do whatever you gotta do.
- Why? - 'Cause you done disrupted my mood.
- You know what? Get out the car. Gimme the keys. - Patrick...
Get out the car, man. Move, man.
You can walk. You can catch a cab, catch a bus and do whatever you gotta do, man.
- Don't have me standin' outside. - Patrick, don't. I need my bag.
- Yeah. You can get it later. - Wait. Don't drive off, Patrick. I need my bag!
Throw the bag out the window or somethin'. Patrick, I need my bag!
You know what?
Take the bag.
Go, white girls! Go, white girls!
Go, Trey! Go, Trey! Go, Trey!
- Go, Trey! - Go, Jenny!
Go, Jenny! Go, Jenny!
Go, D.D! Go, D.D! Go, D.D!
Go, Shaunna! Go, Shaunna!
Oh!
- Crazy. - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Wow. I really love this place.
- It's crazy, but I love it.
Gone all the time.
- What's the matter, Anna-Mae? Why are you upset? - Don't ask me nothin'.
Oh, come on. The sun is shining. It's a beautiful day. What's the matter?
- Where's Percy? - That's a real good question.
I'd like to know where he at my damn self.
Over there hangin'out at that... beauty shop__ that cesspool of sin.
- Anna-Mae... - But, Lord, do somethin' to him.
Strike his old ass, please, Jesus, please.
If you can't strike him, strike that beauty shop so I can get my husband back.
Amen, ha-ha! Amen.
- What are you doin' now, Anna-Mae? - I'm goin' down there...
and give him a "piece" of my mind.
Oh, all right then.
Yo.
Fine, then. I ain't... standin' up for that...
- Girl, I hear you. - Gonna sit down.
It's hotter than...
Mmm. I love them shoes.
- Girl, you can have 'em. - I don't know how you walk on 'em.
These aren't even my highest heels, and my feet are killin' me.
Girl...
Hey, don't you sit down, girl! Don't you sit down.
Don't you ever let me catch you sittin' down on the job again, you understand me?
- We just sat down. - Time is money. And every second you not on your feet...
and not on your back, you costin' me money.
Don't mess with my money, ho. Don't you ever mess with a pimp's money.
Now get back to work. Get back.
- Mmm-mmm. - That's ridiculous.
- It's a damn shame is what it is. - Watchin' stuff like that just pisses me off.
I can't even stand to look at it.
This neighborhood is in a vicious cycle, girl.
- Somethin' needs to change. - Got that right.
Yeah! And don't you ever mess with a pimp's money!
Yeah.
Well, look, girl, it's 2:30. I'm gonna head on downtown. Wish me luck.
Good luck.
You know, every time I see the Oscars, I gotta aks myself the same question:
Why did Halle Berry win that award?
- What did she do to deserve an Oscar? - Screw Billy Bob Thornton.
- Oh! - Oh, my God. Did y'all see "Monster's Ball?"
Billy Bob had her butt naked on the floor...
screwed her like a ho, and they gave her an award for that.
- Right. That's how they do it. - She's arguably the prettiest black woman in the country...
and they give her an award for screwin' Billy Bob?
- That's Hollywood. - That's not the only reason she got the award.
What happened to Angela Bassett in "What's Love Got to Do with It?"
- Exactly. - Or Cicely Tyson. - She put it down.
- Or even Oprah Winfrey in "Beloved?" - They were all great. Yeah.
You mean to tell me that that was the best performance that we've seen from a black woman...
in 74 years?
No, you right. You right about that.
And the first black woman in a leading role to receive an Oscar...
and she gets it for gettin' butt naked and screwin' Billy Bob Thornton.
- That's Hollywood. - I was so upset about that.
Me too. A lot of black people was upset. Just goes to show you...
get butt naked for the white man, and you win an award.
- Okay, right. - Okay.
You know what? In defense of Halle, though, she was good.
Look, I ain't mad at Halle. This has nothin' to do with Halle.
This has everything to do with the mentality of the nominating committee.
It just goes to show a lot.
Plus, ain't nobody was lookin' at her actin'.
She was butt naked. That's what I was lookin' at.
I couldn't see past the actin'. All I saw was naked.
Naked. Naked. Right.
- Percy, you crazy. - Naked.
'Cause I'm sick and tired. Yes. Huh.
You look gorgeous. Take a look.
- Oh, Tami, I love it! - Isn't it wonderful?
Oh, Ricky, you do good head.
- - Can you explain it to her later?
- Thank you so much. It's beautiful. - Oh, snap.
- Oh, snap! - Oh, snap.
Okay. Nice. Two of'em. All right. Thank you.
- Bye. - See you later, baby. Take care of that girl.
- All right. - All right.
White chicks. Whoa. Phew.
Okay. Who used the bathroom last, huh?
- Who used the bathroom last? - What you lookin' at me for?
How many times I got to tell y'all? If you gonna use the bathroom...
to stop the toilet from runnin', what you gotta do?
- Jiggle the handle. - That's right. Jiggle the handle.
Open up the top and play with the little ball-thing. What's the matter with y'all?
And who took the screwdriver? We need the screwdriver to open and close the bathroom door.
My goodness. Those thievin'-ass people... stealin'stuff for nothin'.
What you gonna do with a screwdriver? How many times we gonna replace the screwdriver?
- Why not just put a doorknob on it? - Are you gonna put it on there?
All right then. Shut up.
You know what? I'm goin' to lunch.
- God. - What you laughin' at?
Y'all funny. Y'all are funny.
- Percy was the one that used the bathroom last. - What you talkin' about?
- I ain't used it. Did you see me use it? - Yes, I saw you.
- You didn't see me do nothin'. - I did.
- No, you didn't. No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
Whatever. I'm goin' to get some K.F.C. Anybody want some?
- Man, get on, man. - Didn't!
Guess not.
- Where's your car? - Patrick's borrowing it.
- Where he at? I ain't see him drop you off. - Uh, I took a cab.
You took a cab? That's your car, and you took a cab?
You know what? That's on you.
You wanna deal with him the rest of your life, that's your business.
I'm gonna start mindin'my own business, 'cause people in this beauty shop...
just gettin'weirder every day.
- What? - Nothin'.
You walkin'? Takin' cabs? This chick is crazy.
Bunker buster. Yeah, it's that bunker buster, all right.
I'm tired. How much must a sister put up with?
Tired's good. Change only comes when a woman gets fed up. That's right. Get tired.
Uh-oh! 'Cause when a woman's fed up
It ain't nothin' you can do about it
R. Kelly broke it down, right? It's like runnin' out of love
Ah! And it's too late to talk about it
- Say what, Brenda? - Ricky. Ricky, shut up, okay?
- I was breakin' it down for her, tryin' to... - Why you ridin' me?
I don't be talkin' about you and your little white girls you be humpin' on the low.
- Ricky, will you please shut up?
Here goes.
- Mike, what is she doin'here? - Ah, beats me.
I know you had something to do with this, and it's not good.
Look. You said it earlier. I'm a lawyer. I'm here to represent my client.
Now, I may be treading close to the line, but I won't cross over it.
- I sure hope you know what you're doin', buddy. - I don't. Let me handle this.
It's your case, your bar license. You'd better know what you're doin'.
Thank you. Miss Smithe, imagine seein' you here.
- Yeah, imagine. How y'all doin'? - Good.
- Good. Yeah. So, you're goin' into the... - The review board.
- Uh-huh. - I'll see you inside. - All right.
Y...
Hey, look at this faggot-ass nigga, yo.
Stop it.
What you got, some faggot treats?
Leave me alone.
Not a good day for this. Y'all better stop it and leave me alone.
- Hey, faggot. I'm talkin' to you. - Yeah, you.
If I'm a faggot, then what does that make your daddy?
- Aw-w-w! - What?
- Hey, man, what you say? - You heard me.
What you say, man?
- Let's get this faggot-ass nigga, yo. - Open this shit, yo.
- You little faggot! What's up, nigga?
- What's up "now," nigga? What? Now, what?
Faggot-ass. Faggot-ass. What's up, faggot-ass nigga?
Get in! Get in!
"Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Celebrating the power of pink."
- I'm gonna kill 'em. - What the hell's goin'on?
Oh, my gosh. Somebody egged him.
- Oh, no! Hey, now wait a minute. - D.D! D.D! Get...
- Get off of me! - Where do you think you're goin' with that?
- Get... D.D! - Hey, D.D., man?
You cannot go out there messin' with those boys, man. They got guns.
- They might just look like they 16, but they got guns. - I don't care. Get off of me.
Hey, you ain't goin' back out there.
- Come on, baby. Come on. - Get off of me.
- Get the scissors. Lashaunna, get the scissors. - I got 'em. I got 'em.
Hey, yo, man, what the hell's the matter with y'all?
Who's this nigga talkin' to? Who are you, man?
Hey, man, go back inside the shop, man. Who is you, dawg?
- You know, you need to back up off us, or somethin' happen. - Or what?
What you mean, what? This ain't even your concern. We beefin' with him, so fall back.
If you beefin' with him or anybody else in that shop, you beefin' with me.
- Man, what you protectin' the faggot for? - What's your problem?
Call him a faggot again. See what happens. Call him a faggot again!
It's cool, son. It ain't even that serious. We were just playin'.
- Well, then play your ass somewhere else. - Punk ass.
Don't think we won't be back.
Nice meetin' you, dawg.
Ricky, are you crazy, takin'on them boys like that?
- What's wrong with you? - I must be.
Just chased 'em off with a banana.
- Oh, my God! That is too stupid.
Go on, boy!
Ricky just chased 'em off with a banana.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm just...
I'm... I'm sick... I'm tired of this.
I mean, it's like, if you gay and you live in this country...
it's like the civil rights movement all over again.
I mean, I can't even walk down the street and mind my own business and be safe.
It's not right, Ricky.
And America is so hypocritical about this issue.
I mean, what is this whole military "don't ask, don't tell" policy, huh?
It's bullshit. It's just another example of America tryin' to avoid the issues...
that gays are here, and we're here to stay.
We're people, Ricky. We're family and friends, with feelings.
And many of the same politicians that oppose our rights...
and reinforce this gay-bashin' mentality are in fact closet gays themselves...
afraid to appear gay 'cause they don't wanna be the subject of ridicule.
I chose a different approach. I consider myself an activist.
The flamboyance that you and everybody else see is a political statement.
It says that I'm gay. And I'm proud to be gay...
even if that means gettin' egged or worse.
But I'm gonna let everyone know it.
Thanks for stickin' up for me out there though.
You're welcome, man.
For what you did, I would give you a hug, but... I know how you are.
So just give me pound.
- Word. - You too, fighter.
- You should just go over... - So I'm gonna go over...
Yeah, over there. I'm just gonna chill... hang out for a while.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Chairman...
I'd like to thank you for allowing me to speak on behalf of my beauty shop.
I'd just like to say that this shop has been in my family for years...
and it's somewhat of a pillar in the community.
It provides service and jobs in almost every aspect of the community.
- At what point were you planning on objecting, Michael? Hmm? ...a tragedy to tear it down...
to put up a parking lot for the D.W.P.
Now according to a property survey that I have here...
the D. W.P. owns half an acre behind the building that they are using for storage...
and another adjacent lot that they use as a basketball court.
Michael, objection. Objection, Michael.
- Bob, let me handle this, okay? - It seems to me that the D. W.P. could make greater use of...
the land that they have and are doing nothing with...
- Let's go. Let's go, Michael. - rather than petitioning the city to take mine.
- So I'd like... - Mr. Chairman, if you'd permit me to interject.
- Go ahead, Mr. Edward. - This really isn't the forum for this sort of discussion.
Preliminary reports have substantiated a need for the expansion...
reports, mind you, from certified independent agencies...
not the ramblings and whimsical plea of an East Side beautician.
If Miss Smithe was privy to the information in those reports...
she'd know that those lots do not have the same direct street access...
that her existing lot would provide, which is why the D. W.P. deems it useful.
Now, I think the committee has demonstrated its good nature and its liberality...
by even allowing Miss Smithe to speak here today...
but, Chairman, l... I see no reason to further subject my client...
to this unnecessary and quite futile debate.
I tend to agree with Mr. Edward. Miss Smithe, this is not the proper forum...
and furthermore, we've already ruled on this issue.
If you had presented something a little more substantial...
perhaps I would continue to hear it.
But from where I stand, I see nothing to prevent this action from going through.
Thank you, Mr. Chairman.
If the committee would please excuse me for a moment.
Um, uh, Michael? Mi...
- Jenny, hold on a sec. - Just get away from me, Michael.
Get away.
Jenny!
Here we go.
- It's him. He's so sexy. - Oh, my God. Wait, wait.
Go and get him. Go. Go over there.
Groupies.
- So who would I be signin' this to? - Porsche.
Thank you.
- And what's your name, baby? - Mercedes... you know, like the fancy car?
Yo, why are black people always namin' their kids after cars they can't afford?
You, no move hand!
- A damn shame. - So what's your name? Jaguar?
- No. Tameka Laquana Shameka Johnson! - So ghetto.
Is that American?
- That's cool. - I love you so much.
Bye. He signed mine first.
- He touched my paper. He touched my paper! - He signed mine first.
- I love you! - I love you!
Well, you must be special. May-Kym came in on her day off to do your nails. Mmm.
Huh. May-Kym, you're the only Asian woman I know take a day off.
Every other Asian woman work 24-7, eight days a week. What's goin' on, huh?
May-Kym American now. I come to work "rate" and have bad attitude.
- Mmm. Sucky-sucky. - You, go get girlfriend!
- I'm gay. - I know you're the gay.
All right, why don't you go and sit in a little corner and eat some rice.
- Cross your legs. - Why don't you go eat some fried chicken!
Uh-uh. Girlfriend did not go there.
May-Kym true American now. I go and vote on "erection"day.
- Um, I'm sorry. On what day? - I vote on "erection"day.
- On "erection"...You... No, no. - Yeah. I vote democrat.
- Um, look. "Election"day. - Can I get the next seat?
- Yeah. - Yeah. I'm open. Come on.
Okay.
- Right. - Here you go.
Oh, girl, those are some nice rings you got on.
Thank you. And that's a nice ring you have on too.
Oh, you like it? My new man bought it for me.
Oh, come on. Not the ring again!
He's a doctor. He really isn't all that fine, but he "is" loaded.
- Hmm. For real? - Yeah, child. And that's just the beginnin'.
- The brother got paper, okay? A big house and a Benz. - Hey.
I'm talkin' some serious loot. This is just a friendship ring, okay?
But wait till I get my hooks in him real good.
I'm gonna bring a whole new meanin' to the term "gold digger."
- I learned my skills from Robin Givens. - What?
But ain't nobody bigger than the queen of the gold diggers.
- Anna Nicole Smith. - She hoochie mama.
- Anna Nicole Smith... that's my girl. - That girl is crazy.
- Mmm. I aspire to be just like her. - So, uh, did you sleep with him?
Oh, you know I whipped it on him two or three times, okay?
I mean, he really isn't that bad-lookin'.
Got a cute tattoo on his shoulder too.
Does that tattoo have a little heart with a cute little arrow goin' through it?
- Yeah. How'd you know? - 'Cause he's my husband...
and you the ho that's been sleepin' with him!
Oh, da-a-amn!
- Break it up! Break it up! - Stop it!
- Break it up, you guys. - God!
- Won't someone help him? - No, no, no. Let 'em fight, man.
- It's like gettin' free pay-per-view. You crazy? - Stop it! Stop it!
- Stop! - Break it up!
Stop it! Stop it!
- My wig! - Oh, the bitch is bald!
Oh, Jesus! Everybody, just calm down. Calm down!
I'm gonna mess both of y'all up!
What the hell is goin' on here?
- That's a good question. - Oh, Lord.
This is where I find you... here in the center of all this havoc...
runnin'your mouth all day.
Lord, do somethin'!
Do somethin'to make this old man settle.
Trey, come on down, baby.
You better get your old ass back to the nursin'home and get there pretty damn quick!
- Woman, don't bother me right now. - Somebody hold me back...
'cause I'm gonna kick your ass, PercevalJohnson!
- "Perceval"? - Look, I gotta go, y'all.
Yeah, that's right. Let's go. Come on!
Excuse me, ladies. I gotta handle some business.
Handle it. Yeah, that's right. Handle it.
- Y'all see what I gotta put up with? - Percy, come on outta here.
Ricky, don't ever get married. Stay young and single as long as you can.
- Trust me. Take it from an old man. - Don't worry.
- Percy! - All right!
Damn!
You know what? This is crazy.
I just finished beggin' a review board to keep this store open.
And for what?
For this?
I'm fightin'... for this.
Come on, Trey. Let's go.
Review board? What... What's she talkin' about?
Jen, well, how'd it go?
- We lost, Lashaunna. - Damn.
I should have told y'all this before...
but the government's gonna shut this building down, all right?
So you know what? Y'all go ahead.
Fight. Fight all you want. You can rip this place apart...
because the government is gonna demolish this building and turn it into a parkin' lot anyway.
Jenny.
Go ahead.
Let's go, Trey.
- D.D., you son of a... - Don't start that right now.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Get out! Get out!
Hey, what up? This is Jenny.
If I'm not here, I'm at the beauty shop doin' things.
- So hit me down there. Peace.
Jenny. Jenny, I know you're there. Please pick up. Let me explain.
- All right, this is my third time calling.
You know my number. Just call me.
I'm ready.
- Ready for what, baby? - You're not gonna give me my whuppin'?
To be honest with you, Trey, I don't feel like givin' out no whuppings right now.
- I'm cool with that. - Yeah. I'm sure you are.
- Oh, I made you somethin' to eat too. - Oh, yeah?
- What you make me to eat? - A bologna sandwich.
All right.
I figured I'd chip in and help, since I know you wasn't feeling well.
Come here.
- I love you, Trey. - I love you too, Mom.
Man, now that the shop is closin'...
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Me either.
I'm missin' this place already.
Doin' hair kept me off the streets.
Without the beauty shop, what do I have?
I have nothin'.
Perce, what you doin' here? You better not let your wife catch you back here.
Hey, "I" run things, okay?
Oh, no, no.
Yeah, um, for real. Um, I gotta be home in an hour.
- What? - Hey, don't go lookin' at me like that, youngblood.
Every married man knows that after you say, "I do," you don't run a damn thing.
Okay. Ain't that the truth.
Look, I just wanted to...
tellJenny that I heard the news, and I'm... I'm sorry.
Uh, this place has meant a whole lot to me...
just like, I'm sure, it's meant a whole lot to y'all.
- I've been here for 15 years. - Hmm. I've been here for seven.
As much as we... fuss and fight, to some degree, y'all like my family.
Aw, D.D.
I remember when this street was brand-new...
and people took pride in their community.
And now... nobody gives a damn, man.
Mmm-mmm-hmm. Mama's good old-fashioned milk shake.
You know, your grandmother used to make these for me.
- I want some strawberries in mine. - You got it.
Two for you...
pow... and one for me.
Ma, I'm ready to tell you why I was fightin' in school today.
Okay.
It all started in history class. We were talkin' about American history...
and EddieJones said, black people ain't do nothin' to add to the American history.
He said his daddy said we're nothing but slaves. We ain't doin'nothing important.
And that's when I called him and "his daddy a liar."
And that's when he called "me" a liar. And that's when I popped him in the mouth.
- You popped him in the mouth? - Yep. Three times: two lefts and one right.
And then his mouth swole up and he started to cry.
And then the teacher told me to apologize.
And I said no.
Ma, we ain't do nothing important in American history?
Of course we did. We did a lot of things.
Come here. Let me show you somethin'.
A lot of black people have contributed to this country, all right?
And sometimes you don't have to be real big to make a difference.
I want you to remember that the little man counts too.
So the next time that EddieJones says that to you...
I want you to tell him this:
All right, back in 1871, we had seven black congressmen... seven.
And in 1893, a black man by the name of Dr. Daniel Hale Williams...
did the first successful open-heart surgery.
He wouldn't even be able to ride his bike...
because a black man named IsaacJohnson invented the bike frame.
And if he went inside, he'd be hot...
because a black man by the name of FrederickJones invented the air conditioner.
Tell him he wouldn't even be able to play his Nintendo game...
because a black man named Granville T. Woods invented the electrolyte battery.
We've contributed in a lot of ways.
A black man invented the modern-day fuse, the fountain pen...
the gas mask, air brakes for buses...
the rotary engine, automatic transmission on cars, the traffic light...
Shoot, we did a whole bunch of stuff.
Tell him he wouldn't even be able to use the bathroom, because a black man...
named J.B. Rhodes invented the toilet.
- He couldn't use the toilet? - He sure couldn't.
Listen to me.
We've contributed a lot to American history...
so don't you let anybody tell you we haven't.
Your grandmama... she used to force me to read this book all the time.
- It's all about black history. - Okay, Jenny, I know I'm not supposed to be down here...
and you have every right to be mad at me.
But I'm standin' out in the rain getting wet in my Armani suit.
I'm in my Armani suit, getting wet... standin' outside in the rain in a $1,500 suit.
I'm not doin' it.
Just do it. Just do it. Stop bein' a punk and just do it.
I'm not doin' it. I'm not doin' it.
- Who's that man right there? - That's Frederick Douglass. He's a human rights leader.
- Well, he needs a haircut. - You ain't lyin'.
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, my goodness. - That looks like the beauty shop.
Oh, my God. It sure does, baby.
Michael, what is the matter with you?
Just do it. Just do it.
Stop bein' a punk and just do it.
Hold that.
- Jenny, I know this is unorthodox, but l... - Michael!
I am so glad to see you. I am so glad to see you. I gotta show you somethin', okay?
- Wait. Wait right here. Trey, give me this book. - Okay.
Okay. Check this out. What do you think of that?
Mmm.
Frederick Douglass in front of his house.
Wait. Is that your shop?
Yep. That's my shop.
- What's takin'them so long? - I don't know.
You think it'd be rude of me if I poked my head in, see what's...
Yeah. We need to just wait forJenny to come out, all right?
D.D., if you don't watch out for my feet, we fightin'.
- I tell you, boy, if you don't... - I'm so nervous, I gotta tinkle.
- You gotta what? - I gotta pee-pee!
- Pee-pee! Gotta pee-pee! - D. D"..."
Well, in view of the recent information presented by Miss Smithe...
in this well-presented package...
I have no choice but to deny the D. W.P. 's claim on this property...
under the grounds that this may be an historical site.
- That's what I'm talkin' about! - We did it! Ooh!
- We did it! We did it! We did it! - What you do? What you do?
- You ain't do nothin'. - Don't start with me, Miss Thing.
- Hey, did you have anything to do with...
- Bob, it's over. - Okay. Okay, buddy.
Thank you, Michael.
No. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey, now!
Hey, listen. Answer me this:
How come y'all never have a sale?
You know, like "buy one, get one free"?
- Oh, the ho sto'? - Yeah!
The ho sto'! I like that.
- Damn. My feet are killing me. - Whoo!
Yeah? Well, baby, here come your pimp.
- Here come your pimp. - No, no, no. Here come your pimp.
- Here come your pimp. - Sittin' down on the job? Y'all sittin' down? Huh?
Say, Silk!
- Leave 'em alone! - Get over here!
Get over here!
Hey, Silk. Leave 'em alone, man!
Or what? Huh? What you gonna do?
Oh! Oh, no!
- That's what I'm gonna do. Right there. - Damn!
He got knocked the fuck out!
Oh, hey, go call an ambulance! Go call the police!
Go! Hurry up! Hurry up! Go call somebody.
Quick! Get 'em here.
Mmm. Oh, "ja."
Mmm. Oh.
Oh, my goodness. I knew it! I knew you was into white girls.
- Don't say nothin'. - Ricky?
- D.D., please don't tell nobody. - Ricky?
- What you gonna do for me? - Whatever you want. What?
- No! Except that. Go ahead. Tell whoever you're gonna tell. - I'm tellin' everybody.
- Ricky, open door. - D.D., wait!
Ricky? Ricky, open door.
There he is.
You're on time.
Yeah. I'm on time.
- Good. - But not to pick you up.
See, I'm tired of you treatin' me the way you do, and I ain't havin' it no more.
Ooh.
That's all you.
Bye.
What am I supposed to do with this?
I don't know. Maybe do like Erykah Badu say.
- But you can't use my phone. - Can't use it.
Bye, Mr. Man. Rrrrr. What?
- Take it, gas station man! - Stop, D.D.
My two most favorite men in the world.